A Pain Worse Than Death
by Alviarin
Summary: Youji cheats on Ran and the swordsman can barely hold on. Was Youji acting on his own or were there darker forces at work? WARNING: Dark fic, Non-con. M/M, YAOI, SLASH Youji/Ran *FIXED*
1. Betrayal

_**A/N: **Okay so I wrote this story when I was in a really, really bad mood. It's very dark and sad so if you don't like that kind of story then don't read further. It will make you hate Youji. _

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Weiss and if you plan on reading the story you'll be glad I don't lol._

He'd thought he'd never feel this pain again. The last time he'd felt it was when he was trapped under the burning debris of his house and watched his sister crushed by a car. All of that was over now. He'd gotten his revenge and his sister was out of her coma. She hated who he'd become, but oddly it didn't hurt. It would have been strange if she'd approved, and anytime he wanted to talk to her he could just pick up the phone and call. She and Sakura were rooming together at their high school dorm. He had the money to send her to the best places, but she'd chosen the same school as the girl who'd helped save her life. Ran understood that, he was helping Sakura pay for her schooling too. He loved them both and he wanted them to be happy. He wanted them to have what he never could, and now the one thing he wanted, the man who'd taught him how to love again; had betrayed him. Ran couldn't breathe as he watched them. He was with a woman, their limbs entwined, mouths open, in the throes of passion. He couldn't feel his heart beating anymore. There was nothing left inside of him. He dropped his coat on the floor and turned to leave. "Shit, Ran." He heard his lover gasp, but didn't bother to look back as he walked out. A familiar hand grabbed his. Aya spun balling his free hand into a fist and punched Youji as hard as he could in the jaw. The taller man fell to the floor with a grunt of pain. He quickly sprang back to his feet coming towards the redhead. Ran grabbed up one of the daggers Omi had left lying around and held the point to Youji's throat; stopping the older man's advance.

"Don't even try to explain." He hissed. "I don't want to hear anymore of your lies."

"Ran-" Youji pushed the blade aside and reached for him.

"Touch me and die." Ran spat shoving him away and storming out of the room. He passed Ken and Omi just coming in.

"Ran?" Omi looked confused as the swordsman practically ran past him out into the alley outside the Koneko.

"Ran, wait!" Youji shouted, but Ran sped up running out into traffic to the other side of the street. He glanced back briefly to see Youji rolling off the hood of a car. The blonde jumped back to his feet but Ran was already out of sight. He ran until he couldn't and collapsed in an alley breathing hard and trying not to cry. He should have seen this coming. Youji had been avoiding him for the past month, and now he knew why. The swordsman got back to his feet and started running again. He didn't care where he was going, only that it was far away. He was soon lost in the streets of Tokyo, it was then that it started to pour and he realized he'd forgotten his coat…and shoes.

* * *

Omi watched Youji come back in. The girl that had come out of his room was seated at the kitchen table with Ken standing behind her, arms folded. "So are you going to explain, or should we believe her lame story?" The brunette spat.

"That depends on what she told you." Youji replied mimicking Ken's stance.

"I told them the truth, that you're my college tutor and we were studying." She said calmly.

"You can leave now." Omi glared at her. "You've done enough." She rose with a sigh. As she passed Youji she laid a hand on his arm.

"Call me." Then she was gone. Omi pointed to a chair.

"Sit." The older blonde groaned but complied. "Now, what the hell happened? Ran wouldn't take off like that if you two had been 'studying' like she said you were."

"That depends on the subject doesn't it?" Youji grinned.

"Are you fucking insane?" Ken shouted. "You cheated on Ran! He's going to kick your fucking ass."

"Ken." Omi frowned. "Shouting isn't going to help, what we need-" He cut of with a squeak of surprise as thunder crashed outside. Rain began to pelt the windows. A look of horror crossed his face and he rushed out of the room. Ken frowned following, but he came running back in pulling on his coat and holding an umbrella. Ran's black coat was draped over his arm. "Get your car Ken, we have to find him!" He stooped down to grab the redhead's boots. Ken grabbed his keys coming to the same realization his partner just had. Ran was out in this weather with no shoes or coat, and from what he remembered about the swordsman's outfit he knew it wasn't suitable for this kind of downpour. Youji rose from the table worry in his eyes. Ken glared at him following Omi outside. "We have to find him."

"I know, we will." Ken jumped into the driver's seat as Omi climbed in on the other side. As he started the car Youji got in the back.

"Call his cell." He said nervously. Omi glared but pulled out his phone and dialed. Faint music issued from the pocket of the coat in his lap.

"Shit."

* * *

He didn't know where he was, Tokyo was so goddamn big and easy to get turned around in, but he didn't really care. The heavy rain beat down on him. He was numb inside and out, and he wanted to go home. Not back to the Koneko, that had never been home to him. Home was where he lost his parents. Home was where he'd died for the first time. He finally stumbled onto a familiar street and got his bearings. He only had three more miles to go. His thoughts returned to Youji as he began the long trek home. Youji had been the one to bring him back to life. Before he had come along Ran was just going through the motions of living. The only thing he had lived for was revenge, when he got that he was left with nothing. That's when Youji had saved him. He'd shown Ran that his heart was still beating, that he could still feel. Ran clutched at his hair as an agonizing scream ripped from his throat. He threw himself into a run. He had to get away. He had to run; escape all that he was feeling. It was too much. He ran blindly, tears mixing with the rain on his cheeks. He ran till all the breath left him and his legs threatened to collapse, but he kept running. Somehow he made it to the right street. He stumbled through the gate into the overgrown yard and collapsed on the burned out remains of the house, where what he had been trying to escape from caught up with him. He laid there screaming into the night. Why couldn't Youji have just let him be? At least before he hadn't felt this pain. It tore at him. He felt as though he was being ripped apart. He was dying all over again, and it was worse this time. Death he could deal with, but not this, God anything but this. He writhed in agony pulling at his hair and clawing his face. Why was this happening? Was it punishment for all those lives he'd taken? Why would Youji…Why? What had Ran done wrong? He'd given Youji everything he had left. He'd given the whole of his being, his body, his heart, his soul. He'd trusted Youji and now the man he loved had betrayed him. There was nothing left for him in this world. As he came to that realization the tears stopped. No. He had Aya. She still loved him. He needed to see her. Slowly he got to his feet. Aya. For so long he had gone by that name to keep her alive. Then when she'd awoken, despite everything the doctors had told him, he'd given it back. He had become Ran Fujimiya again, and now that man was dead. For the second time in his life he was empty. He needed to call her first, but he'd left his phone at the Koneko. Down the street was a payphone he could use, he'd at least managed to keep his wallet in his pants pocket. He dropped in the yen and dialed her number. After a few rings a groggy female voice answered.

"Moshi, Moshi."

"Aya?" He whispered.

"Ran?" The voice gasped. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"No." Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks.

"Where are you?"

"I went home."

"The flower shop."

"No." Ran let his head fall against the glass of the booth. "Home."

"Honey, it's not there anymore." Aya sighed. "Its just a pile of burned wood and furniture, I went by there a few months ago."

"Its still home." He replied.

"Are you still there?"

"No."

"Ran!" She was getting frustrated.

"I'm at the payphone down the street."

"Ok, I'm coming to get you." She sighed. "Don't you move an inch."

"I-"

"You hear me? Not an inch!"

"Ok."

"I'll be there in five minutes."

"Ok."

"Not an inch!" She hung up. Ran sank to the floor of the booth tears pouring down his cheeks.

* * *

Aya sped through the streets. She'd only recently gotten her license and didn't want a ticket, but Ran was in trouble. She didn't think he was hurt, but something was terribly wrong. He didn't sound right. She thought about calling Youji or Omi, but decided against it. As soon as she had Ran and he told her what was going on, then she'd call. She screeched to a halt in front of the booth Ran had said he was at. She could see him sitting on the floor inside of it. Her eyes widened. He wasn't wearing any shoes and he was huddled in on himself leaning against the glass. She pulled up her hood and got out, running to him. "Ran!" He didn't even raise his head. "Ran!" She called again and gasped as she got closer. Not only were his shoes missing, his coat was also and he was soaked to the bone. He sat there shivering and…was he crying? She grabbed him by the shoulders and finally he raised his head. Aya's stomach dropped and she felt as though she couldn't breathe. Tears were pouring down his cheeks and his eyes were full of so much pain that she could feel it just looking into them. She pulled him into her chest holding back tears of her own. He clutched at her sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. "Oh, honey what happened?" He shook his head pressing it into her shoulder. She held him for a few minutes as he cried then helped him into the car. "I'll drive you home." He shook his head. "You're soaked though, you need a bath and clothes."

"I can't go back there." He whispered hoarsely.

"Ok, you have some clothes at my place."

"A hotel is fine. You could drop me-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." She snapped starting the car and heading back to the apartment. "I'm not leaving you alone."

"Its ok Aya, I-"

"Shut up." She glared at him and all the fight left his body. He slumped in his seat, his eyes brimming with tears. She called the lady in charge of the building to let her know what was going on then Sakura so she could help her get Ran upstairs. She looked over at her brother and felt her heart break all over again. He just sat there with his head against the window staring at nothing, and not making a sound while tears slipped down his cheeks.

* * *

They didn't find him. Omi was beside himself with worry and they were heading back to the Koneko, despite his protests, when his phone rang. Before he could say anything Aya's voice began screaming at him. "What the hell have you people done to him?"

"Aya, what are you-"

"Its Ran!" She burst into tears and then Sakura was on the line.

"Omi?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, its-"

"What happened? Ran's here, but he-"

"Ran's there with you?" He cried sitting up.

"Yeah, he called Aya from a payphone near their old house and she went to pick him up, but something's wrong with him. We got him a bath and into bed, he's finally sleeping, but he wouldn't stop crying." Omi's breath caught. "Did something happen with Youji?"

"Yeah." Omi glanced at the culprit then at Ken. "Ran caught him with a woman."

"Fucking bastard!" She exclaimed angrily. "No wonder Ran-" There was the sound of the phone being grabbed and Aya's voice came back on the line.

"Put that prick on." She snarled. Omi handed the phone to Youji.

"It's for you." Youji put it to his ear and promptly pulled it away from it again. They could all hear Aya's screaming.

"You fucking bastard! I'm going to kill you, have you got any idea what you've done?" Her voice broke. "You people are never getting him back, he's done with you!" There was a loud click. Youji just stared at the phone. Omi plucked it from his fingers.

"At least we know where he is." The blonde sighed feeling a little relieved. "I'll go over there tomorrow."

* * *

Aya sat next to the bed watching her brother sleep. She couldn't believe what she'd heard. How could that bastard do this to him. Ran loved him, more than anything. It was a different love than what he had for her or Sakura. It went deeper than blood or friendship, it went to his very soul. Her brother had been a broken man when she'd woken from her coma, but slowly, with Youji's help, he'd began to put the pieces back together. He'd begun to smile, and laugh like he'd used to. He'd crack jokes and tease her. They went to festivals together, just the three of them and she could see the in Ran's eyes how much he loved Youji. Sakura touched her shoulder. "Go get some sleep in my room." She whispered. "I'll sit with him." Aya shook her head then crawled into bed with Ran.

"I need to be here if he wakes up." She put her arms around him and bit back tears as he whimpered in his sleep and curled into her. Sakura crawled into the bed as well and they both held him as they slept. The next morning Aya woke to Sakura shaking her.

"Omi's here." Aya was instantly alert, and angry. She got out of bed and stormed into the living room where Omi was standing with a large duffle bag. She paused looking at it. Omi looked up at her with sad blue eyes.

"I brought him some clothes, and other stuff." He held out the bag to her. "There's some shoes in there, and his coat. His cell phone is in the side pocket." She took it from him murmuring a thank you. Omi licked his lips nervously. "How is he?"

"Asleep."

"Can-"

"I meant what I said Omi." She snapped, her eyes filling with tears. "He's not going back." Sakura rushed into the room.

"He's awake." She gasped then ran back. Aya dropped the duffle following. Ran's eyes were open and he was just staring listlessly at the ceiling.

"Ran?" She took his hand. Slowly his eyes moved to her face. "Are you hungry?" He shook his head then looked away to stare out the window. Any other attempt at conversation was met with silence. Aya finally gave up and turned to Sakura. Omi stood with her near the doorway. She glared at him but Sakura gave her an admonishing look.

"He's not the guilty party here Aya-chan." She frowned. "He and Ken drove around for hours last night looking for him after he ran out of the house. He's been worried ever since, and he's just as mad at Yo-" She stopped, inhaling sharply. She glanced at Ran then grabbed Aya's hand and dragged her into the living room, motioning for Omi to follow. Once they were all out she closed the door. "He and Ken are just as mad at Youji as we are." Aya tensed.

"Then kill him." She snapped at Omi. "That's what you guys do right? Kill the bad guys?" Omi opened his mouth to respond when there was a knock at the door. Aya stormed over to it throwing it open. Youji stood on the other side. "What the hell are you doing here, you bastard, haven't you done enough?"

"I need to see him."

"No!" Aya shouted moving to slam the door. Youji caught it and pushed it open, walking in. "Get the fuck out-"

"Aya." Something in Sakura's voice made her turn. Ran stood in the door way of her room leaning against the frame. He was paler than normal and his hair hung around his face since she hadn't put it back into the braid he normally wore.

"Ran, I-" Youji started but the younger man shook his head.

"No more lies." He whispered disappearing back into the room. Youji ran after him.


	2. Confrontation

It hurt to even breathe and then he felt those arms around him. The arms that had held him through all the nightmares, all the pain of just living. He collapsed into them choking on a sob. "Ran." Youji whispered holding him tighter. "I'm sorry, I-"

"No." Ran croaked shoving away and falling to the floor.

"Get out of my house, you bastard!" Aya shouted coming in. "You're killing him!" She got between them holding her arms up to shield him from view. Ran couldn't move, couldn't breathe, he just wanted Youji to hold him. To tell him that none of it had happened. To glue his world back together, and bring him back to life.

"Why?" He whispered, staring at the floor. Youji moved around his sister getting to the floor in front of him, but Ran closed his eyes. He couldn't look at him, if he did he knew he'd go to him.

"Ran, it was a mistake, I was stupid, and drunk, and-" Ran's eyes flew open and he let a fist fly. It caught Youji square in the nose and sent him flying.

"You were drunk?" He shouted getting to his feet. "That's not a fucking excuse you miserable piece of human ref-"

"I thought you didn't love me." Youji looked up at him, blood pouring from his nose. Ran took a step back.

"Wha-"

"I never know how your feeling."

"I told you-"

"Telling isn't the same as feeling it."

"That's no excuse for what you did you prick." Aya snapped angrily. Sakura grabbed her arm.

"Aya, honey, let them work it out ok?" She pulled her out of the room amidst loud protests. Omi closed the door, following them out.

"What did you want Youji?" Ran felt his eyes burn. "I gave you everything."

"You're always so fucking cold, and I never know what you're thinking." Youji wiped at his nose angrily. "And sometimes it like you're not even there. You'll just sit there staring at nothing, and the only time I ever see you show any kind of fucking emotion is around your sister. Its like you're-"

"Dead?" Ran met his eyes. "I died the night my parents were killed and I watched my sister almost meet the same fate while I laid there helpless to do anything to stop it." He sat down on the edge of the bed staring at the floor. "I thought that was the worst pain I could ever feel, and it was…until now." He whispered feeling a tear slide out of the corner of his eye.

"Ran."

"I wish I couldn't feel anything Youji." Ran looked up at him. "I wish I'd never-" He was silenced by lips crashing into his. Youji pushed him down onto the bed kissing him desperately. Ran started to melt into him, needing him more than ever, but then he flashed back to the previous night and pulled away. "No-"

"I love you Ran." Youji kissed him again. Ran sobbed, pushing him away.

"No you don't." He tried to hit him, but Youji was ready for it and caught his fist. "Let go." He managed to hit him twice with his other fist before he caught that one too. Ran struggled but was pulled into Youji's arms and held there. He cried harder pushing at him angrily.

"Ran, I'm sorry." Youji was crying too. "I'm so fucking sorry." He put his arms around the swordsman's quivering form as they sank to the floor. "I love you, I do Ran, I love you."

"No, if you did you wouldn't have-"

"I'm sorry Ran!" Youji sobbed clutching at him. "Please forgive me, I thought you didn't want me anymore." Ran gripped his shirt.

"You're an idiot." He glared up through his tears.

"I'm not debating that." Youji half laughed. "I know I'm an idiot. I know I made a mistake, and I know I love you." His eyes were sincere as he stared into Ran's.

"I can't do this Youji." Ran tried to push him away. "It hurts too much…I can't." He collapsed against Youji's chest sobbing. The blonde held him crying and rocked him back and forth murmuring that he was sorry repeatedly. "I can't live without you."

* * *

Aya glared as Youji came out of the room. "He's asleep." The blonde said quietly rubbing at his face with his sleeves. It was obvious that he'd been crying. Aya almost laughed to see that he had a black eye on top of what looked like a broken nose.

"You fucked up Kudou." Sakura said icily.

"Yeah." He replied quietly. "I really did this time. I don't think he's going to forgive me."

"I sure hope not." Aya snapped. "I never will." Youji winced.

"He might." Omi sighed under the glare Aya aimed at him. "I hope he does…for his own sake."

"The hell does that mean?" Aya snapped.

"Aya, if Ran can't forgive Youji then he's never going to trust anyone ever again. He's going to go back to how he was, no worse." His brow furrowed.

"What do you mean 'how he was'?" She asked quietly.

"When Esset had you kidnapped from the hospital he withdrew from us. He didn't want to be in Weiss anymore, but he had to be because that was the only way for him to find and get you back. We could never tell what he was thinking or when he was going to snap, but we knew it was inevitable that it was going to happen." He looked over at the closed door of the bedroom. "He's been to hell and even though he came back, Aya, he didn't leave it all behind. This was the last thing he needed." He rose from the couch where he'd been sitting. "I'm going to have him transferred to one of our safe houses."

"What? No?" Aya snapped standing up.

"Aya, you and Sakura have school, you can't watch him 24/7." He took her hands. "Ken and I can, plus he and Youji need to work through this." He smiled. "You can come as well if being away from him bothers you so much." She nodded.

"Sakura too."

"Of course."

* * *

Youji was restricted from riding in the same vehicle as Ran by his oh so loving sister. He rode with Ken and Sakura; forced to endure their cold silence. He didn't know what to do. He had made the worst mistake of his life and he was trying to fix it, but no one would listen, let alone look at him. His thoughts kept returning to Ran's face when he'd walked into the room. He'd heard the coat fall and looked up. The swordsman's eyes had been completely blank, then he'd turned and bolted. Now Ran wouldn't look at him, but his eyes still held that emptiness, like when they'd first met only worse. At least back then there had been anger in them, now there was nothing and he didn't know how to fix it. He wasn't even sure if he could, he had single handedly destroyed the only man he'd ever truly loved. The one man the criminal underground feared more than anything. Aya and Sakura hated him. Ken just glared, and Omi…he was the worst. He just gave him these disappointed looks that made Youji feel even worse. He could handle anger, endure under hatred, but the look in Omi's eyes cut him to the core. How could he have been so stupid? Why hadn't he thought things through before taking Hanako home and climbing into bed with her? He'd been angry and wanted to hurt Ran, but not like this. The redhead was catatonic and wouldn't respond to anyone. He wouldn't eat. All he did was sleep or stare off into space; sometimes he cried. Not horrible gulping sobs like before. Tears would just pour down his cheeks silently. That was the worst. Youji couldn't look at him, he couldn't believe he'd been the one to reduce Ran to this existence. He put a hand over his tired eyes, wiping away some tears that had slipped out. What was he going to do?

* * *

Ran let Aya lead him inside and tuck him into bed. He pretended to be asleep until she left then opened his eyes. He couldn't sleep, hadn't been able to for the past five days. Not real sleep anyway. What he did get was plagued by nightmares where he watched Youji and the woman over and over again while they laughed. He wanted to get up and move, but he was frozen. He hadn't realized he was this weak. How could he let Youji's betrayal effect him like this? He closed his eyes as the door opened willing the intruder to go away, then he smelled Youji's familiar scent as the blonde sat on the edge of the bed. "I know I'm the last person you want in here right now, and I know you're awake. You can't fool me." Ran opened his eyes slowly to look up at him. "You don't have to talk, just listen." Youji licked his lips nervously. "What I did was wrong, I know that now, and I knew it before I did it. I was angry, and jealous because I didn't have a part of you that Aya does. I was convinced that you didn't love me as much as I did you. I was hurt so I did what I thought I had to do to get a reaction. I wanted you to get angry, I wanted you to hurt like I did, but I didn't want this. Ran I-"

"Shut up." Ran sat up to glare at him. "That's a bunch of bull and you know it."

"No, Ran-"

"Youji, all you had to do was ask me." The redhead sighed. "You put all this stock in communicating how you're feeling, but you're just a hypocrite. You should know by now that when I say something I mean it, and to tell someone that I love them is difficult. Everything I've ever loved has been killed or taken from me. I thought maybe with you I had a chance to start over. I had to learn everything all over again after what Takatori did. How to walk then how to speak. After that I learned how to fight." He looked away at Youji's shock. "For a long time that was all I needed. The ability to fight and all the anger and hatred I could hold. When Takatori was gone, I didn't have that anymore, then Esset and Schwartz came along giving me a new reason to fight; a new enemy to hate. After we defeated them and Aya woke up…I didn't know what to do anymore, so I did whatever Kritiker told me to do, and I'll continue to do so until I die." He finally met Youji's eyes. "I don't have anything else."

"Yes you do Ran-"

"What do I have Youji? A sister who loves her brother but despises the monster he's become, and a lover who says he loves me but goes and sleeps with a woman because he's mad…and _drunk_." Ran spat the last word out angrily. "I've tried as hard as I know how to change for you, and for her. What the fuck do you want me to do Youji? How do I prove to you that I love you when words aren't enough?"

"You aren't a monster Ran, and I do love you." Ran punched him.

"Don't say that." He hissed standing slowly. "I'm sick of your lies. If you really loved me you wouldn't have slept with that whore." Youji rubbed his jaw getting to his feet. "I can't trust you can I? I should've listened to Omi when he told me this would happen."

"What?" Youji's eyes widened.

"He told me in the beginning that I needed to be careful and I didn't listen. I wanted so desperately to love someone, and have them love me back despite everything I've done. I knew you were a player but I thought maybe you'd at least have the decency to break up with me before you went out whoring yourself aro-" Ran knew the punch was coming and did nothing to block it. Youji, who was expecting him to move, only managed to land a glancing blow on his cheek just below his left eye. Ran lifted his eyes to Youji's. "You don't love me the way I love you." He said quietly. "I don't think even you know or understand why you slept with her. All the bull shit that just came out is you just trying to come up with a reason that fits with how you were feeling, which was enhanced by all the alcohol you consumed. The truth is you _don't_ know why you did it, and I couldn't give a shit why it happened, but it did, and so here we are."

"Ran-"

"Youji, I don't want to hear any more bullshit."

"Its not bullshit." The blonde snapped. "I was angry and I made the worst mistake of my life, Ran I never thought you cared about me this much."

"How much did you think I cared Youji? Did you think this was a game for me, because it sure seems like it was one for you."

"It was never a game Ran."

"Then what the hell was it to you?" Ran shouted. "If not a game than what, because you sure didn't take it seriously."

"I don't know!" Youji shouted back. Silence followed his outburst in which Aya came running in.

"What the-" Ran held up a hand.

"The truth comes out." He took a step closer to Youji. "You're a hypocrite, and a liar. A player and an idiot, but you're not a man who'd be unfaithful for no reason. I think I've got it figured it out, and if I'm right you're in for a major ass kicking for letting your self get caught, literally, with your pants down. If I'm wrong, then no force on earth is going to save you from me." He turned and left the room. Youji and Aya both gaped after him. It was getting clear to him, someone was messing with them. As they'd passed through the city limits it was as though a fog had been lifted. He could breath again, his mind and body had had been freed from their paralysis. It was a familiar feeling and he was pissed that he'd fell for it a second time. Omi and Ken looked up from the couch in surprise as he walked past them to the weapons cabinet.

"Ran?" Omi stood watching him warily. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to fix the problem." The teen's blue eyes widened as he opened the cabinet door and selected a rifle with a high powered scope attached to the barrel.

"That's more for long range." Ken piped up. "The 9mm would do just fine."

"Ken!" Omi gasped.

"This will do." Ran walked to the second story and climbed out one of the windows onto the roof. He kept his mind carefully blank as he scanned the landscape. He finally spotted what he was looking for hiding behind a tree near the end of the driveway. Ran felt his lips turn up into a smile as he took aim. The first bullet hit Schuldig in the leg, the second one took out his shoulder. Ran leapt from the roof and began casually walking down the drive reloading the rifle. He pressed the barrel into the back of Schuldig's head as he scrambled to get away. "It was you wasn't it?" He rolled the telepath onto his back with the toe of his boot.

"What was me?" The German grinned, and Ran knew.

"You fucking bastard."

"You have to admit, it was pretty good wasn't it?" Schuldig threw his head back laughing. "You're mind is so easy to fuck with, there's so much pain to amplify and you fall for it every time. Your boyfriend's even easier, so insecure as he is in his relationship with you." Ran's lip curled and he pulled back the lever on the rifle to chamber the round that would send the man to hell. "I just plant the seeds, kitten, then sit back and watch you destroy yourself. Killing me won't change the fact that the blonde kitten willingly and knowingly slept with that woman. He acted on my suggestions, I only-" Ran pulled the trigger and watched Schuldig's head explode.

"I dare you to come back from that." He hissed angrily. Youji, Ken and Omi came running up and froze. Ran turned to them flipping his hair out of his face. "One problem solved." His eyes moved to Youji, who stared back at him, his jade green eyes wide. "Now we know why, don't we." He said calmly.

"We killed him though." Omi was staring at Schuldig's body. Ran glanced at it apathetically and spat.

"Twice." Ken muttered shaking his head. Omi sighed giving him a dirty look.

"I'll call someone to come clean this mess up."

"I'm burning it." Ran said quietly. "Go get me a sheet, some gasoline and a lighter, Kudou." Youji flinched before turning and walking back to the house. "I'm not taking any chances this time, and a lesson needs to be learned." He looked at Omi coldly. "I will not be fucked with."


	3. Time

Youji watched Ran move his things out of his room. He had stopped trying to reason with him. When the redhead put his mind to something he followed through, and even though Schuldig had been behind it all, Ran still felt betrayed. Not that Youji blamed him, he had cheated on him after all and they couldn't change that fact. Things were starting to get better though. They understood that it hadn't been entirely Youji's fault, and that he was sorry, but Ran was having a hard time forgiving him. Youji knew it was because of something Schuldig had said, but Ran wouldn't talk about it. He wouldn't talk about a lot of things, not even to Omi or his sister, who had forgiven Youji but was still wary of trusting him with her brother. Sakura had also forgiven him, was the first one actually. She'd experienced the telepath's power first hand and understood how powerful it was. Pretty much the only person who hadn't forgiven him was Ran. The redhead was coldly silent as he moved the last of his clothes back to his old room. Youji followed him to make one more appeal, but before he could even open his mouth Ran gave him a harsh glare. "Do you understand why I'm doing this Kudou?" Youji flinched, it was back to last name basis now. It had taken him years to get Ran to call him by his first name and even longer to get him to drop the honorifics.

"No Ran, I don't understand."

"Then you're an idiot." The swordsman snapped, his violet eyes flashing. "Get out." Youji sighed leaving the room and going downstairs where he complained to Omi.

"Would you want to stay in his room if your positions were reversed?" The teen asked calmly, looking up from his book. "Think about it, the last time he was in there he caught you having sex with someone else."

"Fuck."

"Exactly." Ken's lips twitched as Omi turned to glare at him. Youji snorted then sobered as Omi turned the glare on him.

"There's nothing funny about any of this." He snapped. "Do you really think he's going to trust you again after this?"

"It was Schuldig-"

"It was you acting on his telepathic suggestions Youji." Omi cut him off. "Even if he messed with your head it doesn't mean you aren't at fault, and it doesn't change the fact that Ran _saw_ you with her. It might be different if he had only heard about it, but he saw the act, and the fact that you were with a woman has also given him some reasons to doubt you." Youji sat back, staring at the teen, who was so much wiser than his 18 years. "Try and look at it from his point of view. Think about how he's feeling right now Youji. That man watched his parents die, his sister almost meet the same fate, then get kidnapped for some youth sapping ceremony, and the man he thought we killed came back to mess with his mind some more. Schuldig used all the pain of loss to torment Ran. He trusted you so completely that he ignored my warnings. He wanted to love someone so badly that he chose a flake."

"Hey-"

"I'm not finished Youji." Omi snapped setting his book down. "He chose _you_. He loves_ you_. The least you can do is forget about what you want and think about him for a change. This whole time you've been worried about how you can fix it for you so that _you_ feel better. Give him some fucking time, you asshole." He picked his book back up angrily as Youji stared at him in shock. He'd never heard Omi swear before and the way Ken was looking at him it was apparent that he hadn't either. Ran came down the steps quietly.

"He'll never learn for himself if you keep spelling it out for him." He murmured as he passed Omi. The teen jumped guiltily.

"You heard huh?" But Ran was already gone, having disappeared into the kitchen. Youji slowly rose, ignoring Omi's glare and followed. For a while he just watched Ran move about the kitchen making tea, loving the way his long braid moved across his thin back.

"What do you want?" The swordsman asked without turning.

"To talk."

"I've said all I want to at this point Kudou, and I've listened to all the crap I can stand." He finally turned. "I've already told you that I don't care why. I know why it happened."

"Then you'll have to enlighten me, because I thought it was because of Schuldig."

"I can't give you what you want." Ran set his cup down. "You want someone who will hold your hand, someone who can show you how much they love you on a daily basis. I see the way you look at other couples. The ones we see every day on the street or coming into the shop. The ones who are always touching and just can't seem to get enough of each other. I can't give that to you. Its childish and the type of love that fades quickly. It's a surface love, the way I feel about you goes deeper. Its more than want, its need. I need you in my life to feel complete."

"Then why the hell are-"

"Don't talk, just listen." Ran cut him off. "I need you so bad its scaring me. My entire being is screaming at me to forgive you and just act like it never happened, but I can't do that because every time I close my eyes I see it. Every time I look at you I can see her in your arms, I can see her satisfying you in a way that I can't, and it tears me up inside. I can't give you that kind of love." Youji felt his stomach drop. All Ran had been thinking about was him.

"What about what you want?" He whispered.

"I want you." Ran looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I want you to love me the way that I am. I want you to understand that I can't be everything you want me to be." He came forward slowly. "I need you Kudou." He whispered. Youji inhaled sharply, his nose filling with the swordsman's heady scent as he got close. "I love you." He pressed his lips to Youji's softly. "But I don't want to be with you right now. I don't know if I can trust you anymore." Pain filled amethyst eyes met Youji's. "Just give me some time, please…Youji. I just need some time." Then he was walking away. Youji sank onto one of the kitchen chairs. What had he done?

* * *

Ran collapsed onto a bed he hadn't slept on in over a year. He had to admit that he'd missed this room. Youji's room had too much stuff in it and there was clutter everywhere. Ran's room had a bookshelf, a desk with chair, a dresser, and a bed with a small table next to it. That was it. Nothing on the walls, or on any of the surfaces, except on the bookshelf. Each of it's six shelves were packed with books in neat rows, he had attached a door to hide them, because he hated clutter. It irritated him. Youji hated how neat his room was, but that was how Ran liked it. It looked about how he felt, empty and what you saw was what you got. Ran didn't think he was a hard person to understand, which was why he didn't get why Youji wouldn't leave him alone. He could hear the blonde outside his room, pacing and debating, not very quietly, with himself on whether to go in or not. Ran silently willed him to go away. He didn't want to talk to him, he didn't want to look at him, smell him, touch him. He growled rolling on his side and put the pillow over his head to block out the noise Youji was making in the hall. Finally he went away and Ran relaxed. He needed to think. He wanted, desperately, to trust Youji again, but he knew that wouldn't be possible. Youji was bored of him, he knew that. Their fling was over. They were each other's first male companion, Ran knew with his soul that he was gay, but Youji was different. He'd slept with so many woman, Ran remembered when he used to brag about it. Sometimes he would come downstairs in the morning to find some beautiful woman in the kitchen wearing only one of Youji's shirts and sipping tea. Youji loved women. Ran despised them. There were only two woman he loved, one was his sister and the other one might as well be. Sakura had resigned herself to the fact that he would think nothing more of her than that, and she didn't seem to mind, in fact she relished having him as an older brother. He sighed getting up to turn off the light then crawled back into bed to sleep. Almost as soon as he closed his eyes the dream began.

_Youji was in her arms again, his lips gently sucking at her luscious breasts. She moaned wrapping her long legs around him. He kissed down her stomach and pressed his face into her groin sliding his tongue between her shaved labia She arched upwards gasping in pleasure and spreading her legs apart. His head moved up and down as he pleasured her with his tongue. His hands slid up the inside of her thighs to thumb apart the outer labia. His tongue delved into her wet entrance hungrily causing her to moan and clutch at his hair. "More Youji!" She pushed down on his head. Ran tried to close his eyes, he didn't want to watch anymore, he wanted to wake up, but his dream self had no eyelids, and he couldn't turn away. There were mirrors everywhere, some magnified what his lover was doing to her. He watched helplessly as Youji's tongue moved in and out pressing against her clit making her moan over and over with increasing volume and pitch. "Fuck me baby!" She cried pulling his head away. Youji crawled up her body licking and kissing up the entire length. Ran screamed at him to stop, but the blonde couldn't hear him. The woman could. She laughed and kissed Youji shoving her filthy tongue into his mouth. Her hand took a hold of his cock and guided it into her. Youji pushed in causing her to throw her head back crying in ecstasy. Ran screamed. Stop, stop, stop! He wanted Youji to stop, but he kept thrusting into her grunting and groaning while she __clawed at his back moaning that high pitched close to climaxing moan he recognized as something Youji would do sometimes. He was doing it now. Then from the mirrors he watched himself walk into the room, saw the horror in his own eyes then watched himself die and they laughed. He screamed and…_

Ran eyes shot open and sat up with a gasp. Sweat poured down his naked torso as he sat there breathing heavily. He had never thought the time would come when he would wish for his old nightmares to come back. He was used to those, but this was too new, too painful. He swung his feet to the floor and stood then walked to the window sliding it open. Almost immediately the night air kissed his sweat soaked skin cooling him. He inhaled deeply closing his eyes, then let the breath out slowly. He longed for Youji to hold him and kiss these nightmares away like he had with the others, but he knew that wasn't possible, not with him being the cause of them. For the first time in his life he wanted to go get drunk and just forget everything, but he knew he couldn't do that. He sighed pulling on a shirt to go downstairs and get some ice water from the fridge. As he passed the couch he saw Youji sprawled across it, a bottle of whiskey hanging limply from one hand. An _empty_ bottle of whiskey. Ran felt a cold anger burn in his chest. He slapped the bottle to the floor waking Youji, who looked up at him with bleary eyes. When he saw who was standing over him his eyes cleared almost instantly and they widened in fear. Ran couldn't stand the sight of him and spun on his heel. Youji called after him slurring his words, which only served to feed the redhead's anger further. He ran into his room and locked the door behind him. Youji began pounding on it until Ken shouted at him to cut it out. "If you keep shutting me out he wins!" Youji screamed at him from the other side of the door. "You're only hurting yourself you know!" Ran sucked in his breath hearing Youji heading for the bathroom and ran to lock that door as well. Youji hit it angrily. "There's plenty of other fish out in the sea Ran, I can name-" Suddenly his voice cut off and Ran could hear a struggle on the other side of the door. It faded away slowly then he heard a soft knock on the hallway door.

"Ran?" It was Omi. "You ok?" No. Ran sank to the floor next to the bed wrapping his arms around his knees and clutched them to his chest. Was this really Youji? "Ran?" Omi called his name again, but the redhead couldn't answer. He didn't want to. He wanted Omi to go away. The knocking began again.

"I'm going back to bed." He finally managed to yell. "You can tell that drunk bastard to go fuck one of those people he can name for all I care."

"Ran." He could hear the sadness in Omi's voice. After another minute he walked away.

* * *

Omi was worried. Ran hadn't come out of his room for three days and Youji was still drunk. To top it all off he and Ken had to leave for a few days to go on a mission in America. He knocked on Ran's door. To his surprise he heard the sound of the lock and the door swung open. Ran listened with a blank expression as Omi explained what was going on. "Now you need to eat something ok?" The redhead nodded and followed him to the kitchen. After getting him fed Omi felt a little better. Ran grabbed a bottle of water and headed back upstairs. Youji was still passed out on the floor of the living room. Omi looked down at him in disgust and kicked his leg.

"Omi, ready to go?" Ken popped his head into the living room from the kitchen door. Omi sighed but nodded and followed him outside. As they drove to the private air strip Kritiker owned he prayed that everything would be ok.


	4. Pain

**_A/N:_**_ Warning: This chapter contains a very graphic rape scene. If you don't want to read it you can skip this chapter fully. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. I cried while writing it._

Ran woke that night in a cold sweat, just like every night since it had happened. He went to the window just like every other night too. Behind him there was a loud crash as his door was kicked open. He whirled in surprise to find Youji bearing down on him and no time to get out of the way. The blonde's strong arms wrapped around him tightly then he was being thrown into the wall and pinned with his hands above his head. Youji's alcohol drenched breath washed over his face as the blonde began kissing him. Ran tried to fight him off but each of his limbs were pinned expertly. He pulled his face away disgusted. "Get off." He commanded.

"No." Youji laughed kissing him again. "I'm horny."

"You're drunk, get the fuck off." Youji put his mouth to Ran's ear.

"I want to fuck you though." He nibbled on the lobe causing Ran to shiver. One of his large hands held Ran's wrists up while the other traveled down and began pulling of the swordsman's pants. Ran kicked at him and was promptly pulled away from the wall then shoved back into it, only this time he was facing the cold white plaster. Youji stripped of the rest of their clothes all the while managing to keep Ran pinned. Ran struggled harder trying not to panic. What the hell was Youji trying to- He got his answer before even finishing the question. Two finger shoved their way through his cheeks to the small hole at his rear. Ran bit back a cry of surprise as it was penetrated.

"Stop." He flinched as a third was added.

"I can't." Youji panted twisting them around. "I'm tired of waiting to make up your goddamned mind. I'm going to give you the best night of sex you've ever had."

"Stop it Kudou." The fingers were removed roughly and Youji's long hard cock was thrust in, without lubricant. Ran gasped in pain.

"Its Youji." The blonde thrust into him with a groan. "How many times do I have to tell you?" Ran couldn't reply as the pain worsened. "God you're tight." Youji moaned pounding into him. "I can't quite-" Ran was pulled roughly away from the wall and bent over the wooden rail at the foot of his bed. Youji's knees spread his legs and he began thrusting faster. Ran couldn't breathe with his lungs being crushed between Youji and the wood rail. "Its still not, what the fuck?" Youji swore ripping out and throwing Ran on the bed. "I'll be right back babe, don't move." Ran lay there in shock trying to catch his breath. It hurt to move but he managed to crawl off the bed and got halfway to the bathroom when Youji came back in holding a small bottle of warming gel and two pairs of handcuffs in one hand and a large bottle of whiskey in the other. He tossed the bottles on the bed then grabbed Ran by the waist and bent him over the footboard again and cuffed his wrists to either end.

"Youji, stop!" Ran pulled at the restraints. "I don't want-" Youji tied a strip of cloth around his mouth silencing him.

"You don't know what you want." He slurred. "But don't worry, I'm going to show you." He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and after unscrewing the cap he took a long drink. Ran felt tears of rage and shame burn in his eyes. He had been a fool to ever trust Youji, for that's who this was. Not even Schuldig would have stooped this low. Youji set that bottle aside and grabbed the warming gel. Ran couldn't see what he did with it but he felt Youji's cock reenter him with some of the gel lubing it up. He let out a muffled scream as he sheathed himself in the first thrust crushing Ran's hips into the hard wood. He sobbed as Youji kept on thrusting. "That's better." He groaned picking up the pace. "Tell me when you feel it too." He thrust harder taking a swig of whiskey. Ran screamed in pain as one of his wrist snapped. "Do it again Ran." Youji groaned dropping the liquor and grabbing onto his hips. He pounded in even harder using them as leverage and Ran screamed again and again. He screamed till his throat was raw and Youji was coming inside of him explosively. "You're good for more right?" Youji panted. Ran shook his head sobbing. "Oh, you're just saying that." Youji laughed pulling out of him then grabbed his legs and flipped him over the footboard. He landed on his back on the bed screaming as his broken wrist was wrenched painfully. He begged for Youji to stop through the gag, but the blonde wasn't paying attention to him and had actually left the room. He came back with more liquor and a bag. Ran pulled at his bonds crying in pain. He didn't want to know what was in the bag. He closed his eyes tightly shaking his head emphatically as Youji began touching him. "That's a good idea!" He laughed like a child and suddenly Ran felt himself being blindfolded. No! He struggled harder shouting at Youji through the cloth in his mouth. "Shhh, shhh." Youji kissed his cheek pulling down the gag, then kissed his lips. "I'm going to take care of you."

"No, Youji, please." Ran croaked. "It hurts."

"It'll feel better in a minute I promise." Youji kissed him again then began tying silk ropes around his ankles binding them to his thighs, then tied those in a spread eagle position with the ends above Ran's head.

"No, Youji stop!" Ran cried as he heard him rummage in the bag.

"I was saving these toys for when you were ready to explore more, but I think you'll like them now."

"Youji, no!" Ran shouted struggling against his bonds, but it was no use. Youji was deaf to his cries. Something cold and hard was suddenly penetrating him roughly. "Stop!" He screamed. Then it was vibrating. His hips arched as he gasped. Youji began working it in and out.

"See, I told you it'd get better."

"No." Ran whispered helplessly, then cried out as the object vibrated against his prostate. Youji groaned working it faster to hit it as much as he could. Ran bit his lip arching his neck as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over him. Then Youji's mouth was around his cock enveloping it in its warmth. He groaned trying not to thrust into it. He felt Youji's thumb move on the base of the object he was using to fuck Ran with and the vibrations intensified. "Ahng." Ran cried out arching into Youji's mouth as he tried to get away from it. The blonde groaned moving it faster and harder making Ran' hips jump. His vision behind the blindfold went white as he climaxed thrusting into Youji's mouth. Youji pulled off moaning happily. He left the vibrator in as he drank more than pulled it out. Ran prayed that it was over but lady luck had never been on his side. He cried out as something large was being forced into him. It was Youji's fist. He screamed as he was stretched painfully. Youji's fingers twisted and pried at him, the blonde's intoxicated state was making him clumsy. Then it was in and Youji laughed in triumph as he curled and uncurled his fingers. "Stop, Youji, please stop." Ran begged sobbing than screamed as the fist was shoved farther in.

"I wonder how far it can-" Youji left the question hang as he pushed. Ran screamed at him to stop. The pain was unbearable and he could feel that he was bleeding. Why didn't Youji see it? He screamed more as Youji continued, his forearm stretching the hole farther than ever before. "Uh-oh." He yanked back out. "Oh, false alarm, it wasn't stuck." Ran cried quietly as Youji continued testing all his toys then fucked him again. Left for an hour than came back and fucked him a third time before untying him. Ran curled up in a ball sobbing as Youji passed out on his floor surrounded by bottles of whiskey. The redhead dragged himself to the bathroom and crawled into the shower where he scrubbed every inch of his skin with scalding hot water. Then he sank to the shower floor where he curled up and cried until the water turned cold, but he couldn't move to get out. He laid there shivering until he lost consciousness.


	5. Aftermath

Omi had the worst feeling that something was wrong back at home so he made Ken finish the mission quickly. They got back the next night. The house was completely silent except for a shower running upstairs. Omi climbed the stairs quickly and froze. Ran's door was off it's hinges and an empty bottle of liquor lay across the threshold. "Ken!" He shouted as he ran in the room. Youji was curled up on the floor surrounded by bottles and bottles of alcohol. Omi switched on the light and gasped. The bed was covered in blood and there were silken ropes in a pile near the headboard. A pair of bloodied handcuffs hung from each post of the footboard. Ran was nowhere in sight, but the shower was on in his bathroom. Ken came to the door with an irritated sigh then froze. "Ran!" Omi rushed to the bathroom forcing the door open. Ran was laying on the floor of the shower pale as death. Omi through the door of the stall open gasping as ice cold water hit him. He quickly turned it off. "Ken I need a blanket, quickly!" He pulled Ran's limp form into his arms crying. The swordsman's lips were blue and he wasn't moving. Ken came rushing in with the blanket from their bed and helped wrap Ran in it. They heard Youji groan in the other room and bottles clink together. Ken lifted Ran out of Omi's arms.

"We need to get him to the hospital." Omi nodded standing and following him into the bedroom. Youji had rolled on his back but was still asleep, lying there on the floor in all his naked glory. Omi felt his veins turn to ice as he saw the blood smeared up the length of Youji's cock. "Omi!" Ken called from the stairs. "I'm going to need your help, hurry!" Omi shook himself and ran down the stairs after him.

* * *

Youji woke to a splitting headache. He groaned curling up in a ball clutching at it. Glass clinked forcing him to open his eyes. Close to twenty empty and half full bottles of liquor surrounded him on the floor of what was _not_ his room. He looked around groggily. Oh, it was Ran's room. Wait, why was he naked? Had they made up? He got to his feet shakily. That was when he noticed the bed, then the blood and handcuffs. Looking down at himself he saw that he was covered in it, and Ran was nowhere in sight. He ran to his room, grabbed a shower than got dressed. As he came out of his room he ran into Ken, who snarled grabbing his wrist and twisted it up behind his back. With no explanation he was forced into Ken's car where they drove to the hospital. Youji was starting to get the feeling that something was wrong. Ken dragged him into the building and threw him against a window. "Look what you did!" He snarled. Youji looked into the room and froze. Ran was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to five different machines with a mask over his face to help him breathe. His left wrist was in a soft cast and there were bandages around his left. Ran's skin was so pale it was translucent, and his lips had a slight bluish tinge to them.

"I did- I can't remember-" Ken punched him screaming obscenities. Omi grabbed his arm telling him to calm down.

"We're in a hospital Ken." He rubbed his arm. Youji knew his nose was broken without having to look at him. Omi glared down at him coldly. "Birman is coming with a few other agents Youji. They are going to take you into custody."

"I wouldn't do something like that!" The blonde cried jumping to his feet. "I'd never hurt Ran!"

"That's a laugh." Ken snapped. "What do you call cheating on him?"

"That was-"

"If you say Schuldig I'm going to kill you." Ken hissed. Youji looked at Ran, who began to stir. Youji ran into the room just as his eyes opened. The amethyst orbs opened wide in fear as they landed on him. A tear leaked down his cheek.

"No more, Youji, please…no more." He rasped, more tears slipping out of his eyes. Ken grabbed him and dragged him out. Youji didn't fight him. Just seeing that look in Ran's eyes, he knew they were telling the truth. He'd done this to Ran. It was coming back to him. After Ran had whispered that phrase, memories came flooding back. He could hear his love sobbing, begging for him to stop, telling him that it hurt. He remembered not listening because he wanted to play with Ran, and the man wasn't cooperating. The alcohol had fueled him into acting on his baser instincts. He was through now. There was no coming back from this. Omi wouldn't look at him. Ken kept glaring. When Birman arrived it was with five burly Kritiker agents. She gave him the most disgusted look as two of the agents cuffed him. Omi turned his back to Youji and went into Ran's hospital room. Ken walked out to the dark suburban Youji was being led to. He watched impassively as they loaded the tall blonde into it and slammed the doors.

"Sick fuck." The agent on his left spat. Youji just hung his head. He didn't care if they killed him, in fact he'd prefer it. He didn't want to live with what he'd done to Ran.

* * *

Ran had gone back to sleep as soon as Youji had been dragged out. Omi sat down next to his bed not relishing the call he was going to have to make to the swordsman's sister. He couldn't help but feel as though this was his fault somehow. He knew Youji could get violent when drunk, but the teen had never known he was capable of something like this. It went beyond the occasional bar fight or rough night of sex. It was torture. The doctor who had come to them out in the waiting room had never seen anything like it in all the years he'd practiced medicine. Youji had shoved something, most probably his fist, so far into Ran that he had not only damaged his rectum, but also his intestinal tract and the base of his spine. Ran also had suffered a broken left wrist, bruised hip bones, three cracked ribs, and his other wrist had been rubbed completely raw from where he'd been handcuffed to the foot of the bed. To top it all off his vocal cords had been damaged severely from screaming. His doctor wasn't sure if he'd make a full recovery. Omi had almost thrown up when he heard all of this. The doctor's brow had furrowed. "He's going to be in a lot of pain for a while." He told them gravely. "Physically and emotionally. Be gentle with him when he wakes up, and whatever you do, don't talk about what happened. I don't want you stressing him out in the condition he's in." Omi had just nodded then Ken had left to get Youji. Sighing deeply Omi got up to find a phone and make a very painful call.

Aya couldn't believe what Omi was telling her. "He did what?" She screamed into the phone. "Where the hell were you and Ken?" She paced back and forth. "Off killing someone else I bet."

"I-" She heard Omi start to cry and instantly felt ashamed of herself. "I'm sorry Aya." He choked out. "I know we shouldn't have left them alone together, but I never thought-" He cried harder and suddenly Ken's voice came over the line.

"Ran needs you for when he wakes up Aya." He said quietly. "I-"

"Where is he?"

"Youji?"

"Yeah."

"Kritiker took him."

"He won't get away with this, will he?" There was dead silence on the other end. "Ken?"

"I'll kill him myself if I ever see him again." The brunette growled.

"Good."

* * *

Ran awoke in a fog of pain. He could hear voices talking softly, but not what they were saying. He opened his eyes slowly. Why was it so hard to breathe? Memories came flooding back and he sat up with a gasp only to fall back against the bed in excruciating pain. Every part of him hurt and he realized with rising panic that he couldn't move his legs. Aya was suddenly there holding him. "Ran, shhh." She stroked his hair as he slowly calmed down then pulled away to look at him. "You're going to be ok, I promise." She kissed his forehead, brushing his hair out of his face.

"Liar." He whispered. Her eyes held a different story, they didn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. He closed his eyes as she burst into tears and pressed her face into his chest. All he could manage to do was lift his hand to touch her side. He just didn't have the strength to lift either of his arms to put around her, and even if he did he wouldn't be able to with all the wires and tubes coming out of them.

"I'm not lying!" She wailed clutching at the cloth of his hospital gown. "You're going to be fine!"

"Aya?" She raised her head with a sniff. "I can't breathe." She jumped back with a gasp. As he inhaled deeply his breath got stuck in his throat and he started coughing. An oxygen mask was pressed over his mouth and nose. He raised his watering eyes to look at Omi, who was holding it in place.

"You are going to be fine Ran." His aqua eyes blazed with conviction as they met Ran's. "We're going to be here for you every step of the way." Ran reached up shakily to take his hand and squeezed it weakly.

"Maybe." He rasped feeling drowsy all of the sudden. There must have been something mixed in with the oxygen. Omi took his hand and laid it back on the bed.

"No Ran, someday your heart will heal. I can guarantee it." Ran's eyelids drooped but he nodded. He believed the small blonde, because he knew Omi would never lie to him. The teen was the only person who had ever been straight with him one hundred percent of the time. "Rest now, you're going to need it."


	6. Epilogue

It took almost a year for Ran to regain any kind of mobility in his legs. He still couldn't walk or stand for very long without collapsing and was forced to retire from Weiss. He moved to a house in the country with Aya and Sakura. It had all modern accoutrements, and wasn't too far outside Tokyo that the girls would have to change schools so they were happy. Omi had been right, in the hospital, when he'd said that Ran was going to be fine. Someday, Ran knew as he sat on the porch watching the wind rock the trees with a book laying forgotten on his lap, someday he would be fine. It was peaceful here, and time seemed to move slowly, but that didn't bother him. This was a place where someone could truly heal, maybe not today or even tomorrow and it might take years, but it would happen. With Aya there he knew it would. She was his life now, her and Sakura. He couldn't do this without them. Nor without Omi, who came by often to visit. They'd sit on the porch and talk about books, or a movie the teen had just seen. They'd talk about almost everything. The only subject that was taboo was anything to do with Youji. Neither of them knew exactly what had happened to him, nor did they care. Omi didn't like to talk about work, and Ran didn't ask. He didn't belong in that world anymore, and to make sure no one came after him for revenge Kritiker had made all official records claim him as deceased. They even went as far as putting an obituary in the paper and held a funeral service for him, all while he was recovering at one of their safe houses. He, Aya, and Sakura were safe. He smiled happily watching the girls come running up the stone path waving wildly. He was at peace with his life, and for the first time in years he was happy. Really and truly happy.


End file.
